Thursday, October 10, 2013

A public apology, and an epiphany.

Wow. I really did post and run, didn't I? A little too far...

Now that it's been over two months since my last post, I will try to make amends and not excuses. But I do have two (very good, I think) reasons for jumping ship. They contradict each other, but they're both true.

One: I didn't have enough to post! Starting out, I wasn't entirely sure what this blog was going to be for, and I'm still not. My sewing and crafting wasn't consistent enough to provide me with enough material, and I still have the nagging feeling that I am just one of a billion other crafty people. I don't feel actually good enough to make anything worth looking at, and since I don't create my own patterns, I feel somehow inadequate. All the insecurity made me really pull away from blogging.

But here's the thing.

I don't need a follower/fan base of millions. Sure, it'd be nice, but that's not what this is about. My sewing and crafting isn't for getting me fans, fame, or money. It's for me. For my daughters. For my family and friends who receive and appreciate the things I can make, with my hands, out of love. 
So I blog for the same reason I create. Because I love to, and because I can.  And maybe, just maybe, someone will find this and follow me, not because I'm popular, but because - they like me. 

And even if no one does, I'm still writing. ;)

Reason Two contradicts the first one, but it's just as true. I've overextended myself.
I know I just said I wasn't consistent enough, and didn't have enough to post about. But in the past few weeks, that's really changed. I started making a list of all the projects I have to get done before Christmas, along with a few patterns I bought that I really want to try, and then I was asked to make a few things for a church fundraiser. *whew*

I am not the faster sew-ist? Sew-er? I don't like that, because it makes me think of sewer, like where the Ninja Turtles live. Anyway. I'm not very fast. It takes me a while to cut out patterns, and a while to put them together, and I work late at night (when the kids are actually leaving me alone) so I'm tired and a little sluggish besides. Not even two cups of coffee can disguise the fact that it's three a.m. sometimes.

Also, I'm easily distractable. I'll get on the computer, meaning to find a pattern that I'm picturing, and instead I'll be on Facebook...and then reading blogs...searching for giveaways...and before you know it an hour has gone by, and I still don't have that pattern! And it's two in the morning, and I reallllly need to go to bed...oh, just another quarter hour. I need to look at Pinterest still. (And we all know...

Maybe you know that story.

Anyway, with my slow pace (which I'm really working on improving, I mean it!), distractibility, (which I'm also working on), and my laundry list of projects - I just felt like a blog was one more cog that I couldn't keep oiling. So I walked away, because it was the easiest to drop.

But it keeps calling me, and so here I am. I can't promise I won't drop and run when the going gets tough, but I can promise it will not be for two months again. Maybe two days. I might not have a post every day, and that's okay. But I definitely have material now, up until Christmas anyway! 

And if you're wondering what happened with the tablecloth raincoats...well, one never made it to production, because the first one died before it really could go anywhere. I had it alll put together, ready to wear, and I'd even tried it on my toddler - and it FIT! 

But then the seams started tearing. Just little bits here and there, but the tablecloth just wasn't strong enough to withstand the sharp needle and the thread holding it together. Each of those little thread holes was suddenly a weak spot, and the first time Nat climbed up something and snagged, or fell down, the whole jacket was going to fall apart. So I threw it away, said "better luck next time"...and now I know. I won't sew with tablecloths again, unless it's - well - a tablecloth.

But I do love that jacket pattern! I'm thinking my baby needs a corduroy version...

here we go again. 

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